Wonderous Water

I have always been fascinated with water. I feel most comfortable next to large bodies of the stuff. I guess that's why I love Lake Tahoe and Hawaii, two beautiful places to enjoy water. The earth is a gigantic container of water and it is no coincidence that the Bible mentions water in Genesis 1:2.

According to the film Water, The Great Mystery, it is the most common substance on earth and is with us every moment of our lives. We are literally bags of water, between 70-90%, depending on our age. Our brains are 85%, and we drink 2.5 liters each day, absorbing another 1.5 liters through our skin when we bathe or shower.

We are the only planet in the universe with water like ours, and every drop remains since the beginning of time. Every one of water's properties are unique. It is the only substance that expands when cooled, acting completely opposite from all other substances that actually contract when cooled. It can be a solid, liquid or gas, and is the most powerful solvent on earth. It can rise through trees despite thousands of pounds of pressure. It is believed that the water structure of each person's body is like the water where they are born, and no where in the world is it the same. Every seed and embryo begins in water, and it creates the structure of DNA and proteins, working like a universal computer. Structured water also has the ability to change the structure of human blood.

Water has memory. Everything that comes in contact with water leaves a magnetic imprint. It remembers everything, yet has the ability to shake off these memories through the cycle of evaporation. A picture of water when it is told you make me sick, I will kill you, looks dead. In the middle part of the century a group of scientists were in a lab discussing the design of a biological weapon of mass destruction, when all of them had to go to the hospital for food poisoning. The only thing they had consumed were glasses of water.

Water shows the most degradation around human emotions such as negativity, anger and foul language. One has to wonder what these human emotions are doing to our own bags of water...

Yet water shows very different patterns with beautiful words, love, prayer, and beautiful music. The most common substance on earth is also the most extraordinary. A conductor of life itself.  And what words have the greatest impact on water?

It is actually two words: Love and Gratitude.

Rest In Peace, Auntie

Some lives are harder than others. My Aunt had one of those.

Born late in life to her parents, she was always loved, but the family had moved on from small children. Some in the small town in which they lived thought she was actually the illegitimate daughter of her older sister, age 18, who would eventually become my mother. Of course, she wasn't, but the stigma would follow her like a cloud through life. A dark cloud followed her everywhere.

She was caught in a fire that destroyed the family restaurant, while still in her crib. Caught in the back, she was left to perish until her older brother broke free from those holding the family back and raced in to save his baby sister. He would be known as the family hero, especially by her.

They rushed her, wrapped in sheets, from the small town of Gerlach, 100 miles to the nearest town which was Reno, Nevada. She was badly burned, thought not to make it. She did. She was always bucking expectations.

Scarred for life, she had a tough one. The same uncle once said that she never mentally matured beyond age 18. He was right. She never did.

She was desperate for love. Desperate for someone to care enough for her to give her what everyone around her had. But only used and abused, it never happened. She never quit looking - in all the wrong places.

A son, without the father. Raised with the help of her mother. A prison term of 18 months for a mistake made while trying to ingratiate herself with the wrong people. No one was ever hurt, or a victim of any crime. She never got over it. Never recovered from it. Was forever terrified of authority. Her one and only brush with the law. Cementing the fact that the poor go to prison and the rich hire lawyers that evade even the most heinous crimes.

The last ten years were in bed, cared for by her son and his family. Felled by congestive heart failure and diabetes, one leg amputated, the other in jeopardy. Beautiful grandchildren that she adored, so proud of their accomplishments.

After my visit earlier in the month, she evidently didn't make it home again. I have no idea why she wasn't taken home that day - she was waiting to go. But instead she was sent to a convalescent home. It must have been such a blow. All she had with her were some pictures of her dogs - long gone, but not forgotten.

Her heart stopped five times last night. They revived her every time.

Until this morning.

Now she can go home, walk into the arms of those that love her, free from pain.

Rest in peace, Auntie. Give my Mama a kiss, okay?

A Nudge From Beyond

In Trish and Rob's book 7 Secrets of Synchronicity they talk about the interconnectedness of all beings. How sometimes we are nudged in directions that we don't always understand when it is happening.

Last week I was unboxing and going through some really old stuff that has been stored in a trunk that my brother made for me. In my exuberance to rid myself of "stuff," I came across a box that belonged to my mother. I'm not sure when it was given to me, but I think it was when my grandmother died about ten years ago. I was busy with children and work at the time and didn't go through the box, which had  Joyce's Correspondence, on the top. My mother died when I was six years old.

When I opened the box there was a picture of my aunt, my mother's sister, on the top. She was about five years old in the picture. I immediately felt guilty for not visiting her in way too long. My aunt is completely disabled from diabetes, having one leg amputated and completely bedridden. We talk occasionally on the phone and I send her money and other things that she needs when I can. But I have avoided visiting her because it is just painful and unpleasant. I know, selfish of me. But she lives in California and we have been living in Oregon and Minnesota, so visiting has been easy to avoid. I might add that she lives with her son and his family, so she is surrounded by people she loves, she is not alone.

But that doesn't excuse me. I know that.

Just as I was leaving for Sacramento (where she lives) I get a call from my brother. He says our aunt is in the hospital and may not make it. Visiting her is now unavoidable, as I am heading in that direction for the 4th of July at my brother's house.

All I can say is thank you to the nudges I was given, including the picture in the box of my mother's correspondence. She was awake and feeling well enough that she was heading home that day. My aunt was so happy to see me, and my brother, that it brought tears to my eyes. She kept saying how much she loved us.

I don't know how much longer she has, probably not long. She has congestive heart failure, diabetes, and may lose her other leg. For a woman that is only 61 years old, she is not in good shape. But for me it was a lesson learned. I'll make a point of trying to see her every few months. It was not as bad as I had feared, and the good that came of it far outweighed the bad. My mother and grandmother would want me to take care of her in any way that I can. So that is what I will do.

I've hidden money in her bag, to dole out to her grandchildren. I've ordered new hospital gowns for her, and sent her a bottle of her favorite perfume - Poison by Christian Dior.

But more importantly, I'll gift her with a visit from someone who loves her.

The New Millenium

Most of us have had decades of being able to watch the ebb and flow of life. We know that there will be bad times and good times. Most of all we learn how resilient we are. Incredibly resilient. Knock us down and we will eventually get back up, if it is at all possible.

We know that lessons learned in one time frame is usually used in another. So could there be a pattern in the chaos? I know I'm going out on a limb here, but could we be going through hard times in order to prepare ourselves for future happenings? Or better yet, to possibly avoid future happenings?

One of the many emotions to come from difficult experiences is often empathy. It's pretty hard not to have feelings for those going through painful happenings, when you know exactly how they're feeling. Empathy is a good thing. It closes the gap between people. I recently felt great empathy for Jessica Simpson, for example. Not a person in need of sympathy usually, she has a good life in terms of money, talent, beauty. But when she went through a series of breakups, and then had her little dog carried off by a coyote, I felt genuine sympathy. I know what it's like to go through more than one major stressor in a short amount of time.

Which brings me back to patterns in chaos. Over the last decade the US has had it's fair share of disasters. These occurrences also affected the world. Is there anyone who could not feel for the people trapped in the World Trade Center buildings as we were viciously attacked by terrorists? Maybe because they could relate to the horror inflicted by these same people in other parts of the world. And because of that, I could have heart-felt sympathy for the earthquake victims in Haiti. I remember the stories of people saying goodbye to their loved ones in the buildings before the collapse.  As for the wars and mismanagement by the last administration, culminating in a disastrous economic meltdown, the world has felt the repercussions of that one, too. So what is my point in all of this?

Could we be in preparation for where we need to be for what is coming in the next decade? Could there be some pattern in the chaos? Do the things we go through as individuals also have an effect on how we view our world - and the peoples of that world? Shouldn't we be "thinking globally" for the next decade in terms of political policy? And this goes for all countries, not just the US. Understanding that the decisions we make in one country have far-reaching effects on others. The people of those "others." Extrapolating the "butterfly effect" and using it in a sociological context:

The flapping of a single butterfly's wing today produces a tiny change in the state of the atmosphere. Over a period of time, what the atmosphere actually does diverges from what it would have done. So, in a month's time, a tornado that would have devastated the Indonesian coast doesn't happen. Or maybe one that wasn't going to happen, does. (Ian Stewart, Does God Play Dice? The Mathematics of Chaos, pg. 141)

Tell me what you think.

What were you learning in the 1970's?

(Secluded Falls - Kauai)

I had so much fun reading your comments from my last post, I thought we would move on to the 70's.

Now this decade turned out to be full of life lessons for me. I think everyone has a time in their lives where their decisions and lifestyle choices may not be conducive to a life well-lived. Well the swinging 70's were mine.

So what was I up to?

Well I was married right out of high school, because that's what you did in the summer of 1971 if you were not off to college, and you've split from your high school sweetheart. Nothing like getting married on the rebound, especially since your father has already nixed the idea of ever "living with someone." I believe his words were something to the effect that "he would never darken my doorstep..." How dramatic was that? But throughly believable at the time. Of course that flew out the window when my brother lived with his girlfriend a few years later. Obviously different sets of rules for boys and girls in my father's mind. (He certainly darkened their doorstep!) Not that he wanted me to get married - no, he did his level best to change my mind, right up to the last minute. But to be perfectly honest - I had nothing better to do - and my husband to be was one of my best friends. How bad could living with your best friend be? At any rate, it lasted five years, and without children to share, it was an equitable and friendly split.

Off to turning up the spigot on life lessons. Bad relationships, too much partying, and jobs that were not career opportunities. A limbo of sorts. But an important period it turns out. Because without seeing what life is when you are not focused on what's is really important - it sways and rocks - you'll never know what you don't want for the rest of your life. Now don't get me wrong - I had a ball - and I certainly made up for all those years of being married and not wreaking havoc on some college campus somewhere.

The high point, and the end of the decade, was spent working at a Club Med in Hawaii. Now before you start thinking you know what goes on at Club Mediterranee, let me assure you - Hawaii is not the Caribbean. So forget sex on the beach stories - Hawaii was plenty fun, but there were rules there that were not the same as in some of the other clubs during the 1970's. But I had been offered a job, all expenses paid - including airfare to and from when I was ready to leave - so I figured why not? My father was not happy, to say the least, especially since 60 Minutes did a story about some of the more racy clubs, and he assumed they were all the same. But I was already there and all he could do was hope I'd come home soon.

Six months later, and a wonderful time sailing through the Hawaiian islands with friends, I was ready to come home. But not for long. My plan was to put some things in order and return to Honolulu to share an apartment with one of my fellow GO's who was from there. We both had tired of the constant party - and believe me, when you work for a company that is selling fun - you are always working. Even when you are off work you are still representing vacations - no down time allowed. Not to mention a lack of newspapers and television. You literally have no idea what's going on in the outside world. Not that I cared much. But still. One can only live that lifestyle for a while before one becomes like one of those other GO's who spent too much time smoking pocololo and playing golf, or whatever they were teaching, and were burn-outs. So I left the beautiful island of Kauai behind, expecting to return to Oahu in record speed.

But that was not to be...

What about you? What were you doing in the 1970's? Were you learning life lessons as well?

Growth Spurt

Pic courtesy of http://www.terragalleria.com/

My life feels like I'm on a hike. Most of the time my path is pretty level with beautiful scenery, and I'm comfortable with the rate at which I am traveling. But then I must climb a hill to continue the journey, and suddenly I'm connecting with parts of myself that need healing. I draw those experiences to me that enable me to grow. It's uncomfortable, and requires effort. It's slow going sometimes, and I really wish I hadn't started this hike!

But then I reach the top of the little hill and I can sit and rest.

It's this resting stage that I'm leaving.

So who knows what I'll draw to myself to help in whatever lesson I'm about to take on. But I'm excited to get going.

What about you? Are you on level ground enjoying the scenery, or heading up a hill and really exerting too much effort to talk right now? Or are you resting, pleased with the progress you've made?

In that Moment...

I was trying to have a conversation with my daughter today while her toddler bounced around the room, either hurting himself or getting into something he shouldn't. The conversation was about trying to hang on in this economy. Her husband has a lucrative sales job that is not as lucrative as it was last year. Like most young families, she is trying to stretch herself and their resources, to make ends meet. In between picking him up to kiss an owie and tell him to get off/out of something, she sounded harried and exhausted, but also strangely happy.

I started thinking about happiness. How you can always be happy if you are in the moment. By that I mean, just taking a small second to be aware of all the good that is around you. Just right at that very moment. 

I remember finding out I had a brain tumor. I was 33 years old, with a six year old daughter, and one eighteen months. My mother had died when I was six, so this year of my daughter's life was very poignant for me. 

It came out of the blue - one minute I was just fine - swimming a mile a day in the community pool and the next I was on my way to LA for some serious surgery. I was diagnosed with an acoustic neuroma - which is a tumor wrapped around the acoustic nerve on the brainstem side. It was thought to be benign, but not in a good location, and rather large in size. In the end, I lost my hearing on one side, my face was temporarily and completely paralyzed on one side, one eye not tearing at all. I had to wear this ugly eye patch that was see-through. To say I was odd looking is an understatement! But whenever I started to feel sorry for myself, in that moment, all I could feel was incredibly lucky! Lucky to be alive, lucky to have a beautiful family, an incredible husband, to have a future. There were so many others dealing with so much more. So, because it was so easy to feel sorry for myself, and my family needed me to be strong, I tried to stay in the moment as much as possible. It really was the only way to get through it and recover. 

I sensed my daughter doing that today. She was busy, harassed, worried. But then her son would do something endearing or funny. And in that exact moment she was happy. Nothing else mattered.