The Worm Has Turned

Well, it seems as though the youth of America is joining in the fun.  University of Wisconsin students are coming together with the teacher's union being 'busted' by Republican governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin. Democratic leaders have left the state in order to hold off a vote on legislation that would gut the last remaining vestige of American worker-bee power. Our jobs are oversees, our homes are being foreclosed, our savings and our pensions have been gutted, we are in two wars that are wreaking horrifying havoc on the peoples of those nations, not to mention the treasure being spent on the madness, and Wisconsin wants to break the teacher's union.

Fury is now spreading to Ohio. Tennessee and Indiana has already curbed the power of the unions in their states to be able to bargain for wages and benefits. And we all know how big business worries about our wages and healthcare benefits, when left to their own devices. Most workers have been hired at wage levels a decade old, as we watch the prices of basic goods go through the roof. All the while the banks, bailed out by us, give huge bonuses, refuse to lend to small businesses or provide housing loans, for that matter. Most businesses are laying people off, hiring temp personnel so they don't have to pay benefits, and now they don't want to pay teachers their paltry $35,000 a year to teach - usually with Master Degrees!

I'm not saying all unions are good. There has been plenty of serious issues related to unions. But what are people to do? There really is no other alternative to being treated fairly in the workforce. Unions have set standards for non-union employees as well. Without the unions, workers will have zero bargaining power. And it seems the GOP in this country is determined to see that happen. A concerted effort is underway to cut the budget for all expenditures (especially for the people), yet military spending seems to be high and dry.

I think the American worm is about to turn, just as it has in other nations around the world. Led by youth that cannot see a future for themselves, or their families, they are taking matters into their own hands. If the US thinks major demonstrations cannot happen here, then they need to think again. The parents and grandparents of this youth are also angry. Very angry. Just look back at the 1960's to see what can happen when enough people hit the streets.

There is great power in the young. In America, once they turn off the distractions, they have a vested interest in making sure they have a future. It is time to give power back to the people, all over the world.

Addendum: Here is a great article regarding the incestuous power of a ruling elite in Wisconsin .

Facebook & Censoring

I don't have a Facebook account, so I'm asking all of you - do you censor Facebook connections? If so, how do you do it?

I keep reading, and listening to people, who are put out by having to "friend" someone that they don't really want to share their lives with, but have no idea how to do it in a nice way. They don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. In most cases it's young people who don't want the adults in their lives (or their parent's friends), to know what is going on in theirs. They want it to be about their social connections and not about family members knowing too much.

This would have been a problem for me in my younger years. It was much better that the adult members of my family only knew what was actually going on through gossip. Much safer. Had they known the truth, I'm sure they would have disowned me. In fact, I don't let most of my family members or social circle know about my blog, either. For the same reason. It wasn't that long ago that I was only known by my nom de plume "Lover of Life." It was a big step to add my name.

And, quite frankly, I really don't want to have blow by blow playbacks of what my children are up to. They don't tell me everything, which is just fine with me. (My father often said he didn't want to know what I was up to in my twenties. To the point of covering his ears and making "lalalalalalalala" noises, when I tried to over share.)

What is weird is when other people, out of the blue, tell me what my children are up to. I get kind of a creepy feeling. Kind of like - should they know what I don't? Even if I don't want to know it?

Which brings me back to Facebook. Is this an issue for you or your family members? And if so, how do you deal with it?

Soul Groups

After yesterday's post, I thought I would do some research on soul groups. Whether or not you believe in such things, the thought of "soul groups" or groups of souls that come together is rather interesting to contemplate. This from Crystalinks:


Do you feel that there is a group of souls on the planet, that you are supposed to meet, and do some spiritual work with?


The group could be you, and one other person, or several people, who are all on your frequency. You sense each other's presence. They may be other aspects of your soul wanting to come together.


The Internet has been instrumental in bringing soul groups together.


But this feeling goes beyond the Internet. It is a feeling in your soul, you sense these people, often living in areas not near your home.


The people who share our journeys vary as we learn and move on.


If you feel that is time to meet them, and they too are in readiness, synchronicities will reunite you. You must feel this tugging in your soul.


Many people want to have metaphysical adventures, but they have no free time - work, school, family, or other obligations fill up their time. When you are ready, you will make time, and it will be amazing.


You need amazing in your life.


There is nothing more fun that meeting someone on the same path....you speak the same language...often the written word is not needed. You realize that you are going through something together that will make you more aware when you are finished...like taking a voyage.


If you sense these souls....just relax your mind and body...clear your thoughts....see yourself as a beacon of light....send out a message...they will hear you.


They may come in to help with healing and clearing, or for something beyond.


You will recognize each other and move forward.


You never know who may show up.

Living Alone

My younger daughter is living in an untenable roommate situation. She is exploring options, including striking out on her own.

I think there comes a time in every woman's life when she is unable to share living arrangements. It may only last for a while, but I think women, maybe more than men, need their space. Is it because we are nesting? Or is it because we are at last mature enough to not need friends 24/7? One thing's for sure - it revolves around the kitchen. More battles ensue over dishes and refrigerators than vacuuming.

From a human development point of view, I would lean toward the nesting. I have noticed that most women first want/need their own space when they become involved in a relationship. Let's face it - that's when privacy becomes all-important.

I have always encouraged my daughters to spend some time living alone before they get married. I think it's so important to know that you don't have to depend on others to be happy. That it is possible to live alone and thrive. In fact, I believe it is necessary to find that space inside yourself that feels safe, protected, and nurtured while living singly.

The time may come when you will be alone, maybe when you least expect it, or when nature takes its course.  My mother-in-law is 97 and living alone for the first time in over 65 years. It happens. Life throws us curve balls, and we need to know we will be okay. I can remember my stint of living alone. I would create nice meals, complete with a beautiful table setting, on a lonely Friday night. I made sure that I celebrated my life, not just when it had someone else in it.

So I'm encouraging her to take the big step. She's ready, I think, since it was her idea. Part of me is nervous for her, as only a mother can be when her child takes big steps. But part of me is proud of her. My most attached daughter is now grown up and ready to find her place in the world. Ready to be alone without always feeling lonely. How great is that?

Foot Loose and Fancy Free

My grandson survived the ten day vacation his parents took, and his grandparents survived little sleep and being crazy busy with a toddler. I'm heading home tomorrow to six inches of new snow. Yes, you can still ski at Tahoe, if you so desire. I look forward to catching up with you, as it's been hit and miss on the computer lately.

I'm also relishing the fact that I'm foot loose and fancy free. No more thinking about what a small person might be up to whenever it gets quiet and you can't see them. Only one mishap, where he tried to ride his toy down the steps outside. Of course the neighbors heard the cry and were concerned. I'm thinking, after assessing he's fine, just scared, why did this have to happen the night before they came home? He was totally unmarred for nine days...

I wonder how many hours it will take before I start missing him?

Three more sleeps!

This week with our grandson has been a true blessing. He is beyond adorable. Grandparents reading this know exactly what I mean. But he's only two, and two year olds sleep at odd angles and sometimes upside down. With that comes feet and kicking legs. These kicking legs and middle of the night waking has creating a very sleepy Gammie, who is filling in for parental units this week in the familial bed. We are now both counting down the return of vacationing parents - three more sleeps! Or not, as the case may be.

Off to the Portland Children's Museum - yawning but happy

When in doubt - cook!

I've been thinking back lately to my early twenties. Most of my friends were just making do in those days. Money was tight, and since it was yet another recession, most of us were satisfied if we had a job, even if it didn't pay much.

And yet, we were happy.

I have always had the kind of home with plenty of cooking. It really doesn't take much to make a house a home - just the smell of good cooking. It wafts out the doors and makes people want to come inside. I remember one year I was cooking a meatloaf on Halloween, and people kept asking me what smelled so good, peering around me, when I opened the door to hand out candy. It was the smell of home cooking.

I think that no matter where you live, or how little time you have, you should know how to cook. Today was rainy and a bit snowy, and we were feeling a little down. That tends to happen when you read the news. So I decided to cook my grandmother's 'kniphla and saurkraut' dinner. It didn't take long, and the house was full of yummy smells. Browning onions have a way of upping the good smell quotient.

It wasn't long before I was thinking about a holiday brunch that I want to have sometime in early December. I was starting to feel better. Looking forward to things, people, the holidays.

Cooking is deeply ingrained in our psyche. It is how our forefathers and ancestors nurtured their families and friends. It brings people together in a very basic way. It's important.

So instead of going out next week when we drive, yet again, to Sacramento, to go to a Comedy Club for my brother's never ending birthday celebration, I'm going to cook. I'll take all the ingredients, my pans, my knives, and I will cook him a good German dinner before we go out. I know he will love it, and I know the neighbors will stop by if they smell it. Plus he will have leftovers the next day, and all for around $10 in ingredients. One thing my grandmother's family knew how to do was stretch food dollars. Big families ate little meat, but the cooking was usually outstanding.

In these recessionary times, if you haven't already, think about cooking. If you don't know how, then watch the Food Network, or get a cookbook from the library, one of many outstanding food blogs, or online. It doesn't have to be fancy. Some of the best food is easy and inexpensive. It makes us feel good, and our friends and family appreciate being nurtured these days.

Do you have a family recipe that is comforting?

Misery of a Different Kind

(New York Times)

It seems families in Jakarta, Indonesia have problems this week. It is Ramadan, and household help including nannies, maids, and chauffeurs are all heading home, in mass, to their hometowns. This has left the wealthy to deal with their own problems. Many of these families use this time to travel, but some are actually checking into hotels as the stress of dealing with their own children, meals, and driving is more than they can manage. One mother said she thought it was good for her children when their maids left, as it forced her children to get their own glass of water, for instance. After all, they might live somewhere like the US, and won't have the help to which they are accustomed.

The household help, who make between $5 and $8 per week, probably count the hours until Ramadan, don't you think?

This is not a challenge most of us understand, I'm afraid.

Hawthorne Street Fair

My daughter and her husband live just a few blocks from Hawthorne, the southeast part of Portland. It's a lively street, with shops ranging from vintage clothes to ones that sell bizarre jewelry and red-feather wings for when you need that special touch. It has that hipster feel, but also attracts people like myself and every other myriad group. Lots of bicycles and families on this day. We came home with new "shopper" type bags for the girls, and earrings for my very cool son-in-law that has a reputation to upkeep as a snowboard rep. All in all a great day, finished off with shots of tequila at the next door neighbors, and pot-lock dinner at our house.

It's fun to visit Portland, and it's never boring! But I'm heading back to the mountains tomorrow. I will look forward to my own internet connection, as the one here has been booting me off all day. I have tried to post this since this morning.

Speaking of which, have you ever wondered what is going on when you try to post something and it refuses to get accomplished? Is there a deeper message there? Could we look at it from a different perspective - maybe including synchronicity, and ask ourselves if there isn't something more at work? Maybe this post or message needs to be changed, deleted, or is not meant to be posted at all.

Has that ever happened to you?

Today's the day!

Yay, today is the day my daughter and grandson arrive for a visit. I can't wait to see them, after all it has been about six weeks, my maximum for going without a visit with said grandson. I made a decision, when he was born, to not go longer than six weeks without seeing him. I don't want him to grow up and only know my husband and I as some vague shadow figures of grandparents. I want an intimate, familiar relationship. One where he knows what it feels like to sit on our laps and be kissed and loved. One where he knows that, no matter what, his grandparents are here for him and always will be.

I had grandparents like that. My mother died when I was six years old, and my brother was six months, of breast cancer. She was 27. To say that was a defining moment in my life, would be an understatement. But we always had our grandparents. They did their best to fill the holes. It wasn't easy for them, I know. We left to live with them for two years right after the funeral. My father felt, at the time, that was the best thing for us. I'm not sure that was the right decision, but it was the one they made. I think it may have been what my grandmother needed and wanted, after losing her beloved daughter. I'm just not sure having a six-year-old and a six-month-old to take care of was easy during her time of grief. I remember my grandparents being extremely sad. But as a grandparent now, I can see that my grandmother needed to make sure her daughter's babies were well cared for. That was the last, and only, thing she could do for her. My father must of realized that. Anyway, that's another story for another day. Today, I am going to give my daughter a break, and a much needed rest, as my husband and I revel in the deliciousness of our grandson!

Empty Nest

This article in the NYT regarding empty nests was sort of interesting. The premise is that marriages actually improve once the children are out of the house. It also states that there is an adjustment period for mothers, especially. From my own perspective, I find both of these things to be true. When my youngest left for college, I was exhausted. I had recently quite working (Wellness Specialist - at a local hospital in their Wellness Department running first the Travel Immunization Program, later other wellness programs such as Women's Health, blood work, etc.) We had also moved to Portland, Oregon where we had insisted our oldest transfer from the university she had been attending to one where we could keep an eye on her. She was one of those really bright kids that graduated a year early from high school, but had lost her balance in the intervening few years. She was simply too young to handle college. We made a gross error in thinking she was. At any rate, our move had coincided with the last year of our younger daughter's last year of high school. She had attended the same set of schools K-12. To say she was not happy about a transfer to a school in Portland, in the latter part of her junior year, is an absolute understatement. She hated Portland and her new high school. She was lonely and didn't feel like she fit in. She had played varsity soccer all three years at her old school in Reno, and knew she probably didn't have a chance in hell to play her senior year in Portland. Those spots are almost always saved for the students that have played the other two or three years.

So we made a decision to allow her to return to Reno and finish her senior year at her old school. She had to stay with friends that were in the school district in order to play varsity ball. This worked out pretty well. I spent the soccer season at our home in Tahoe, (in order to attend all her games,) and she stayed with said friends. (We had sold our home in Reno, keeping our condo at Lake Tahoe, which is about 25 minutes from Reno.) The problem? At seventeen, and physically away from her parents, she thought she was emancipated. You can imagine the issues that ensued.

So here we were, one daughter drinking too much, partying too much, out of control, living in Portland. One daughter living away from home, too young and immature, to realize she was not capable of making some of the decisions necessary to be truly on one's own, living in Reno. Me going back and forth between Oregon and Nevada. My husband working at a new job, new field, and wondering what the heck happened to our happy little family. By that time soccer was over and we moved her into two of our best friend's home (who have known her since before she was born), and tried to get through the rest of the school year.

My point in all this? An empty nest is not all bad. Our girls have grown up and turned into responsible adults, dealt with their issues, and are just wonderful to be around. But as the article states, it is a good feeling to not be the one responsible any more. We raised them, we did the best we could do, but the rest is up to them. And that is okay, believe me!

New/Old Ideas

When Obama's mother-in-law moves into the White House it will send a powerful message to mainstream America. Over the last many decades the importance of extended family has faded to a pervasive view of familial autonomy. Our old have been shuffled off to old-folks homes, far from family and especially children. But it was not always this way. Our agrarian society evolved for centuries with the grandparents living in the extended-family home, or nearby. What has this meant to society? Well, for one thing, it has certainly had an affect on our children's sense of security and even how lonely they feel. Grandparents fill the gap between busy parents and trying to figure things out on their own, or within their cohort groups. As we can guess, asking advice from someone who is also twelve, is not always the best solution. Developmentalists have studied the familial-type bonds that have evolved with adolescents and younger children. These children form very close and loyal relationships with others in their age group, but not necessarily in a healthy way when those are their main avenues for important information, or better yet, understanding. Grandparents, on the other hand, usually have time, patience, experience, and the advantage of longevity. They have been through many cycles of life, through their own experiences, with their own parents, siblings, and through their own children's life issues. They are the perfect fit for lonely children or adolescents. Of course, this is only true if the child/grandparent relationship is a healthy one. So from a family science point of view, I am thrilled with the Obama's choice to have the continuity that the grandmother represents. Hopefully, it will send a message, during these troubling times, that families need to come first. It is our society's first defense against the ravages of our economic meltdown.