Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Recessional Dating




I watched Nightline last night and they had a segment on dating in the recession. I had to laugh at some of the changes, because I thought the changes were something everyone did anyway, but I guess I'm a dinosaur when it comes to dating:
  • It's gosh to put on your internet dating resume that someone making less than $150,000 need not respond. Really? People actually do that?

  • Wearing all labels for a first meet is not recommended. You may want to dig through your Chanel bags for that Tiagnello you bought on a whim.

  • Asking where they will be renting in the Hamptons this summer is rude, considering many may be experiencing "Hot Town, Summer In The City" (great song!) The dating coach and matchmaker suggested asking someone what was on their summer reading list instead.

  • Don't be a "downer". This is something that has stayed the same. Even I remember a few of those dates. People are now attracted to the the glass is half full type.

  • Men expect the "fake reach" for the purse at the end of the dinner. In other words, he doesn't expect you to pay, but appreciates the gesture. 

  • Don't automatically discount the jobless. There is a bunch of those out there.
People who are dating are now are talking about finding "partners" instead of "hook-ups". Men making the requisite $150,000 have given up trolling for the "hot" chick, and instead might be thinking about someone that values them for who they are and not their checkbook. But wouldn't they have wanted that anyway? As a man, do you really think you can have a happy life with a woman that is looking for someone who makes a certain amount of money, instead of what's in your heart? 

It reminds me of a young woman I once knew who decided she was married to someone who just didn't make enough money, nor did he have a prestigious enough job title. So she divorced him, and broke up another woman's family, to have what she felt she deserved. Because she was "hot", of course, she got what she wanted. Her new husband lost his job. Now he was no longer making the big bucks, needed heart surgery, and prestige had turned into the reality of marrying an older man. Now she has divorced again, replacing him before she even left. She leaves a total of five children in her wake.

So if this recession means that people are starting to look for partners, people who can go the course in life, then maybe we will get away from the bling and back to the substantive. We can only hope. 


28 comments:

Kat said...

It's a crazy world out there!

Beatriz Kim said...

I'm only 36, but I haven't dated for 6 years! Definitely by choice. I've had possibilities, but they turned out to be bad choices...so no actual dating! Maybe someday!

The picture on top, reminds me of the new fad in Korea. There's a place up in the mountains, where couples go to put their "couple locks" on the fence.

They place their lock on the fence, after they have written promises on the lock. Then they throw away the keys, to signify that they are now "locked" together forever.

Isn't it cute?

Thanks for the post. I'm glad I'm sort of "old fashioned" in this area. I want to be with the right person for the right reasons...true love. Otherwise, I would rather be alone, though not lonely.

It's good to know that other people think that's a great idea too!

I seem to write novels on your site...sorry. You just have a way of making me think! Not that I'm blaming you. I think it's a good thing!

MzzLily said...

I know people that married the 'beauty', the jock, the bank account, the car. They're all surprised when it changes. Go figure. People who don't want any kids marry people that want six! What's that about. No, love isn't the only thing. Marry someone with common goals that you can talk to.

Elizabeth Bradley said...

Shallow people seeking out shallow people, how appropriate!

Rain said...

Hi LOL, great post! I must be a dinosaur too, all I know about dating these days is what I learned from watching Seinfeld, ha ha.

This reminds me of this Russian woman I knew in Montreal. She was late fifties, but one of those women whose sole goal in life was to be "kept". She did look pretty, I'll give her that, with the bleached blond hair, heavy makeup and (unfortunately) anorexic body. She would frequent dating sites like sugardaddy.com and place ads with what she wanted on the first date, like a Gucci bag and $10,000 to get a face lift. Oh yeah, there ARE people like that out there! Crazy!

Jeninacide said...

This makes me glad NOT ONLY that I am not dating, but glad that I am not dating on Wall Street. Where are you renting in the Hamptons? PSH!

Valerie said...

I feel so 'out of it' ... is life really like this now. A friend of mine insisted on a 'contract' to guarantee her security ... he died and left her nothing! Is it me or am I living on another planet?

Verily I go. said...

Very entertaining and I'm so so glad. Did I say so glad? I'm not entertaining a date. Back when Ms Dinosaur roamed, I loved and jumped, no fear. (NOT). Can't make that leap today can we?

Spiritual Journey said...

I'm so glad that my dating days are over or else, with these crazy dating methods, I would have been so disillusioned that I would have chosen to be a hermit all the remaining days of my life. I’m the traditional, old-fashioned woman and I'm glad to have married my permanent-date-and-equally-dinosaur husband. Now our challenge is how to raise kids to have traditional views also about dating.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

I am thankful that I don't date. I like being old and settled......

The Good Cook said...

oh my dating. I don't think I could do that again. AND someone needs to remind young marrieds and wanna be marrieds about those vows. They really do mean something, especially the one about in sickness and in health.

Good blog. Thanks for the reminder that my life is soo good! (and I'm in my second half too)

Nancy said...

Fake reach? Thats ridiculous. Whoever asks the person out, pays! Period.

People are so silly, ha ha ha
Great post!

Joanne said...

Cute post, it's amazing what this recession is bringing out in society :)

Kate said...

When dating my husband, I had a moment when I realized that this man would never be 'rich'. I weighed that realization with all else I knew about him, then blazed forth and married him. I have no regrets! How shallow to think money makes the man.

Now that my children are approaching and/or have reached dating status, I hope and pray that the vast majority of people out there are not as silly as the mass media portrays.

By the way, my Marine son is bringing a girl home to meet us in June and I can't wait!

Pyzahn said...

Yes, I am happily out of the dating scene. I hear my married friends talking about their husbands follies and I just enjoy my single life all the more.

They say married people live longer, but I think in marriage there is a higher prospect of killing each other!

Bogey said...

I think you have just scratched the surface of the realities of the real world. There is one thing that I have noticed in recent years. A lot of the younger people that I used to work with, who were educated, didn't just jump into marriage. Almost every one of them dated first, paid off school debt, saved money for a downpayment for a house and planned their future together. It appears they didn't just cut to the chase and gamble on the future. I wonder if there is any correlation.

Alicia @ boylerpf said...

All I can say is that I am so glad that I am NOT in the dating world! I about croak when my kids speak of hook ups and everything else that goes along with dating today. Back in the day...we old codgers went for the heart of the matter...purely for love. Wouldn't it be so great if we got back to that moralistic society?

nikina said...

oh my god... ha ha ha.... I must be a date dummy ... heheh

Kay said...

well, being technically "single" I don't think money is what most people are looking for in a relationship, I wouldn't beleive everything in the article; as it is surely, stereotyping a certain "type" for the title...but, oh, how there are some low-brows out there! I know many (professionally) and it is sad.

Marguerite said...

Dating can be fun if the guy can dance, cook, and loyalty is at the top of his priority list. Guess I'm just spoiled. Great post!

susan said...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed but I'm not holding my breath.

Natalie said...

Hi LOL,I found dating to be a nightmare for the opposite reasons. I wanted a soulful man, not a football - head with cauliflower ears, not a suit who thought his excrement should be framed, but a real man. Shallow women and shallow men abound out there, let's just leave them to it, surely there is some order to the universe, that protect genuine people?
Love to you, really enjoyed that. :D

Brian Miller said...

the pic is awesome. great post...maybe there is a silver lining to this recession.

Phoebe Miriah Kirby said...

I may be very young, but I have gone on massive dating rampages. It seems as if every time I got out of a "longer-than-I'm-used-to" relationship, I started collecting possible companions. SOme were much older, or much younger. Some were wealthy and some were not.
The wealthier ones took me to nice candlelit dinners and the not so wealthy ones split the check. :)
My husband used to be my best friend and he was around through all of it, sort of rolling his eyes, and being jealous but never admitting it.
One day he kissed me and the rest is history.
The one that you really love could be right under your nose.
:D

Rachael said...

Wow! That is alarming... it really makes you appreciate the wonderful relationships in your own life.

I for one am thankful beyond belief for my wonderful husband. We were best friends for years before we "got together" and I couldn't be happier being married to my best friend!

I can't imagine being back out there and having to deal with some of this crazy stuff... However, like you said, maybe people will begin to value the important things in a relationship that seem to have gone by the wayside in recent years.

:)
Rachael

Valerie said...

I have nominated you for the Lovely Blog award on http://valswidiary.blogspot.com

PeacefulWmn9 said...

I saw that same show and had many of the same thoughts you've expressed. Love, respect, and loyalty...they should beat out money any day!

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