Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Dark Clouds



I recently read a nasty comment left on someone's blog that was devastating enough that he decided to close his blog. And I really want to take a moment to talk about all the negativity in the world right now. I can feel the energy as if it were a breathing thing, over the last couple of days. I've been swatting at my own black cloud. But I also know that the only way to combat all of the "stuff" going on is to be positive. To stay grounded and centered. Realizing that when people put themselves out there, in a blog, they are sensitive to what we leave as a comment. That's not to say that leaving a differing opinion is not welcome, it is, at least on mine. But being mindful that many people are struggling with job loss, self-esteem issues, anxiety, depression, loneliness, burn out, illness, and a host of other problems. We are going through trying times. It is often what makes our writing so soulful and life affirming.

We have a responsibility to be aware of the impact we have on the world. It has been a lack of this type of awareness that has propelled us to where we are now. And the blog world has been a place where most people are supportive and friendly. A very positive place. A life-affirming place. A wonderful place. At least it has been for me.

I think it is certainly okay to not leave a comment if it might be hurtful. Especially one of a personal nature. Just move on. It is not our responsibility to set any one straight, offering up a nasty opinion. We simply do not know the effects of what that one comment might have on the person. Because we really don't know where that person is coming from, or what they have been through. We only know snippets of a life shared. And we are all a bit vulnerable right now. Don't you agree?

61 comments:

Kat said...

Yes, I agree with you. I know I would not leave negative comments. Each blog is so personal, yet we reach out to one another and we really know so little about each other. Being kind is a virtue.

Crazeebee747 said...

Agree 100% We all entitled to our opinion but truth on a medium like a blog is partially seen. Thanks for your open and compassionate sentiment. The world is such a better place when people take on that kind of attitude.

Live and let live ;-) And when you speak from a place of love you lead to insight rather than set straight......

TheChicGeek said...

I totally agree with you. As bloggers we are putting ourselves out there on the line and people should be kind and considerate of others feelings. I hope your friend doesn't close their blog due to one inconsiderate person...I am sure for that one there are a hundred that appreciate your friend's words. We never know what impact we will have on someone and we should always try to make it an uplifting one.

Thanks for the lovely and thoughtful post. I love the picture too!

Erika C. said...

Yes, yes, you are so wise. I have to admit that this is something that holds me back in being as open as I want to be on my blog-fear of critical comments. I am so sorry to hear that someone had to close their blog!

I am learning about resilience strategies in an on-line art class right now and will reflect on ways of using resilience to deal with stuff like that. Yuck!

I hear what you are saying about the dark cloud but at the same time I really believe that everything exists with its opposite-we can't have joy without sorrow etc.

Thanks for your affirming posts.

warmly,
Erika

pra said...

yes I agree with you.

Brit' Gal Sarah said...

I totally agree with you, especially having had a similar experience not long ago. One particularly nasty blogger decided to make a whole post about my apparent stupidity on a particular issue. He even copied parts of my post at length and then just derided me totally. Nobody else had taken issue with it, but I was still deeply upset. I refused to stopp to his level and just requested that he remove the copyrighted content, wehich I doubt he did. I have to say though I did get some pleaseure from the fact he rarely gets more than a comment or two himself, which I think was a big factor in his decision to attack me.

I would never dream of doing that to someone else and always leave positive or nice comments.

nikina said...

yes i agree with you 100% i come here to meet friendly people who share my interests or who i just enjoy to read :) this is suppose to be fun and relaxing ... i think we deal with enough unpleasant stuff every day...this should be a safe place to simply enjoy :)

linda said...

you are so right and being mindful (mind-full) is the optimal place to stay... apparently for some it is hard... I have had this experience and I too, almost shut down my blog...I actually had to do a little therapy to get over it, I felt so attacked and threatened... that may just be me or it may be a human response...

thank you for saying this today, it's needed and staying positive with little reminders along the way , is a good thing! :)

blessings to you in beautiful tahoe....

Jeninacide said...

I honestly don't know why people would even WANT to leave a nasty comment, in turn spreading their own bad-will. Have you noticed that people who leave nasty comments tend to do so ANONYMOUSLY? Interesting that they want to leave a mean spirited, negative remark but don't want to back it up. They can dish it out but they can't take it. Jerks!

Valerie said...

I am mindful of the old saying 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.'
Thank you for this post; I hope the perpetrator of the crime somehow gets the message.

Alicia @ boylerpf said...

I couldn't agree more. Negativity begets the same. It is amazing how one can go through life and remember one comment that will totally influence out daily thinking. Imagine if they were all supportive and the outcome? So much better. Great post!

Rain said...

Hi LOL. You know I agree with you 100%. It disgusts me. A wonderful man, Mort, who suffers from MS was also a victim of an anonymous troller recently and he posted about it too. Anonymous posters (at least the negative ones) who leave such comments are simply cowards who need drama in their lives. They need to hurt because they have been hurt, but instead of dealing with their pain, they pass it on. It's pathetic. But look at the percentage of people who come out and support him? That is the saving grace - the friends outweigh the the anonymous snakes.

willow said...

Yes, I wholeheartedly agee. Blogging has been, for the most part, a wonderful positive experience. I've had to moderate my comments recently because a relative of mine started leaving negative anonymous comments. She then has the nerve to say people can't comment on her own blog unless they use a name. It's sad a few unhappy people feel the need to spoil the joy of blogging.

MzzLily said...

I would take it as a very cowardly act if someone were to leave me a nasty comment. An old adage says, 'If you can say something nice, don't say anything at all.' Debate is not mean! There is a difference.

ellen abbott said...

It's a shame that one nasty comment has more power than 100 supportive ones. I see this over and over. Why do we let this happen? And we do let it happen. We let one complainer, one mean spirited person ruin it for the rest of us. I know it's not pleasant to be flamed, been there, but I will not let the flamers control my life. I hope that your friend will reconsider and simply block that poster. When we let them have their way, we give them the power.

Verily I go. said...

I also have heard of some nasties out there and it makes me sad. A life-affirming, wonderful place for me too. I pray I am left happily to my mutterings. Having to close a blog hurts in a ripple when it's something that offers center and grounding as yours does.

Jeff D'Antonio said...

The cowards who use "Anonymous" to post negative comments are the ones I can't stand. If someone disagrees with me, I fully and wholeheartedly respect their right to do so. But I post using my real name and expect them to do the same. A well-reasoned argument is always welcome, and will usually generate an equally well-reasoned rebuttal from me. But a cowardly attack from "Anonymous"? Those are deleted without a second thought.

Elizabeth Bradley said...

It really saddens me that your friend is shutting down his blog because of some mean-spirited-crippled-inside person. I wrote a piece about a dream I had about interviewing God's assistant and boy oh boy I got a few negative comments for that post! I screen my comments, and simply hit the delete button. I didn't give those narrow-minded responses a second thought.

I would never leave a negative comment on someone's blog. If I didn't like what I read I would just leave. Simple as that.

Butternut Squash said...

Look at all these lovely positive comments. There are a few sour folks out there. You can only feel sorry for them. Negativity, spawns it's own kind. Their comments, deleted, will shortly be forgotten.

Nancy said...

i totally agree! If you cant say something nice, dont say anything at all.

Linda Pendleton said...

Some people have nothing better to do with their life except putting out negativity and hurt. I'm sorry your friend is giving in and shutting down a blog. You can have control over the posted comments and the ability to not post the negative or mean ones.

Blogging is a beautiful way to share, and when ugliness intrudes it should be ignored and deleted, and if you read a blog and don't agree then don't comment.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

There is always that one, isn't there? If they don't like what they are reading, why don't they just close that window..... I think they hate themselves and have to spread that hate. Sad.

Reya Mellicker said...

I've received numerous negative comments. Usually I just delete them and move on.

I've been trashed on other people's blogs as well. My response? Stop reading those blogs.

Feeding negativity goes against my nature. I hate it when I get hooked into someone else's problems. It does happen, but I try to get up and out of that asap.

Whomever closed his blog must have been about ready to do so anyway.

Most negative comments are more about the commenter than the blogger anyway.

Cheers! Shoo that dark cloud away!

Lorna said...

Yes, and it is not restricted to blogs. What I find is that cruel people exprss it in all ways.


~Lorna

Andrea said...

I agree with you completely and I agree with what Reya says - that the negativity that some people put out there is really about how they feel about themselves and not necessarily the subject at hand. It's so sad really.

Flastar said...

Well said!

Marguerite said...

LOL- I totally agree with you about staying as positive as possible, at all times. I guess there will always be those negative comments, here and there, in life. Hope your friend continues blogging.

luksky said...

Sorry, I couldn't find anywhere to e-mail you directly. If you haven't seen the movie Celestine Prophecy yet you might want to check it out...very spirtitually enlightening movie.

MrsSchlereth said...

I love a quote from the movie bambi, "If you don't have anything nice to say.. Don't say anything at all."
I understand being honest but there are ways to do it without being rude or hurtful. People like that need to take a look in the mirror before they pass judgment on others.

Bogey said...

I was extremely happy to read your post today and give you TWO BIG THUMBS UP! In agreement absolutely 100%. We, of Blog World, are not always skipping our way thru life whistling a Happy Dance song. With some of what we share, we take risks. Sometimes baring our souls and peeling back delicate fragments of our minds.

I am grateful whenever anybody leaves a comment on my space and will always respond to every comment accordingly. Thanks for sharing and enlightening us.

susan said...

I most definitely agree. People share what they can of themselves on their blogs but certainly not all. A good thing to remember is the old native American adage:

Never criticize a man until you’ve walked a mile in his moccasins.

Joanne said...

You are most definitely right. I try to find the positive in my posts, in the comments I receive, in life in general. Oh it's so worth it, too, as though goodness does in fact beget goodness. Why not make those good feelings contagious!

Debbie V. said...

Agree!

René Wing said...

I am grateful for the warmth and kindness and welcoming the bloggers have shown me in my short time here, including you, Lover of Life, and I am sad to hear of someone being unkind. Unkind acts-- which we all do sometimes-- come from unconscious fear and pain. Thank you for reminding us to be aware.

scarlethue said...

I feel nothing but sadness for people who feel compelled to leave hurtful comments on a blog. Obviously they are hurting themselves, why else try to bring someone down? That's the attitude I try very hard to take to anyone who is disrespectful or rude to me, that they must be missing something in their own life and so I respond with kindness. Most of the time. Sometimes it's very difficult, but that's just part of being human too I guess.

Thanks for making me think about something more important than myself today. I needed it.

Nina Knox said...

I agree with you. I wish people would keep their negativity to themselves. I feel that when a person has to put you down or criticise or leave negative comments, it's because they are feeling so bad themselves that this somehow makes them feel better. The "Misery Loves Company" theory. I heard just recently as a strategy to stay positive and happy, rid yourself of all that is toxic in your life, including food, thoughts and people. I feel your friend will come back to his blog. He'll surely miss his GOOD friends.

Marlene said...

How sad to hear this..I set my blog so that I have to approve the comments before I publish them..just in case because that happened to a friend of mine..and she was devastated!I really believe that people that feel like they need to leave comments like that are just angry unhappy people in thier life..and want others to be the same...Tell your friend he
should not give them any power..
by stopping the blog...anyway most people here are really nice and supportive...

livenomad said...

Totally agree. We need to share kindness and positiveness; allow others to open up and share what they have. Its a pity the person closed their blog, I believe this is what makes us self restricted, negativity and lack of self confidence. We need to encourage each other to be the best we can, rather than put others down to feel good. My own two cents on the matter.

Lisa said...

oh gosh, i get a ton of them and yes, they hurt- i feel for your friend xx

nurturingwisdom said...

Dear Lover of Life,

I agree with you 100%. We need to be mindful of our comments to others. We don't really know the other person, or what they've been living through.

We each need to be treated with respect and love.

Thank you for reminding us-to love.

liZZie said...

There's something I heard once - 'If you can't be honest be kind'. It think it means if you're in a situation where you have to comment and being honest would hurt it's okay to be kind instead; not exactly being dishonest. Individuals who have to inflict damage of some sort are difficult to be kind to though.

PeacefulWmn9 said...

Yes, I absolutely agree with you. I was raised on the mantra: If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

Almost everyone in our world is vulnerable right now, as you said. I hope this man will come back to his blog.

Thank you for your words of wisdom. I am so happy to have found this blog!

mo'ikeha said...

You took the words right out of my mouth - thank you so very much!
Wanting to write about the beauty of life and how to navigate through it, it was my idea to provide hope and light. Nevertheless, the more I travel and see what surrounds me, the more the subject changes, turning it into 'frustation' and the need to give it a voice.
Nevertheless, the world seems to be always brighter and more alive after a heavy rain, providing what is needed.

Star said...

I'm with Valerie on this one. I was taught that if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all. What are we here for anyway, if not to help and encourage each other. Blogging is a wonderful way to make new friends and learn how other people live their lives.
Blessings Star

Ruth said...

I agree that if you have something to rant about, do it at your own blog, not in response to someone else's post. I had a very deep and negative response last year - to my post of the Story of Stuff in fact! And I still think about it, feel its negative energy. There were so many ways the person could have given her input without being snide and sarcastic. It's fine to disagree, and I am definitely one who doesn't need just empty nice comments like "great photos." It is always nice to get a slightly deeper thought and even if it's a contrary opinion, leaves you feeling better somehow.

Travel & Dive Girl said...

I totally agree about the negative comments. I blog for therapy and certainly don't need unwelcome backlash, although I do welcome observations. I love your blog and photos.

P.S. I've given you an award - check out my blog for details.

Kate said...

True, True and True. However, the internet has always provided the anonymity that some people use as a sheild from behind which they lob their molotov cocktails and FLAME people they perceive as weaker than them. Years ago it seemed there was a bit more "live" chat than there is now, and I tell you, it was a pretty adversarial atmosphere sometimes. You needed nerves of STEEL to have a friendly conversation some places!

People are just mean. And disappointing!

dragonflydreamer said...

I also agree with you fully. I really can't imagine why anyone would want to leave a nasty message on someone's blog. If you don't like what they have to say, don't read their blog. My blog is very personal and I have recently begun sharing some deeply traumatic experiences and I did hesitate for a long time to put myself out there fully, but after the first gut level post I received an email from someone who was very moved and felt connected so I figured if I could ease the lonliness or suffering of one person through my blog then it was worth the risk of exposing my less than Ozzie & Harriet life. I do try to protect my sons, but in the end it is my way of giving back since there have been angels along my path who have done the same for me. I am glad you posted about this because it kind of prepares me to expect the possibility that it will happen to me too. I am sorry it hurt your friend so much that he is shutting down his blog. I wish he wouldn't give that person so much power, but I do understand that, as you mentioned in your post, many of us are so vulnerable right now - more than ever. I don't drink coffee, but your blog is my "morning cup of coffee." Thanks for always giving me something deep to think about and apply to my life.

Spiritual Journey said...

Some nice people in person can really be mean when they think they can freely post anything on somebody's blog without being identified. They forget one blogging rule which is "Don't post unless it's something you can tell that person in his/her face." Words can either make or break a person. I'm sorry to hear that in this case, it broke him.

Jo said...

THAT SOUND YOU HEAR IS ME APPLAUDING...!!!!!!

I think it is okay to disagree with people, but NOT to personally attack them.

Merisi said...

I agree a 100% - thank you for putting your opinion into words, such meaningful ones at that!
Why anybody would feel the need to leave a hurtful comment is beyond me.

I love the dark cloud,
the image, that is! :-)

Brian Miller said...

totally agree with you. it's easy to toss a comment grenade in teh room and run away, it's another to engage in a conversation that has mutliple sides

The Good Cook said...

How sad that someone finds power in reducing another human being. I would tell your blogger friend to take back that power, Open up that blog and don't give the negative, hurtful commentor any more thought. Respect even when we disagree should be the norm. Let's hope one day we all achieve that.

Hilary said...

Totally. Well put.

lolit said...

oh sorry to hear this one,yes i totally agree with you. if you don't like that particular blog or post then better to leave it that way, always be empathetic. though we have the freedom of speech and entitle to our opinion but still we need to consider the feelings of others.
still best to think always the saying:" DO NOT DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT YOU DO NOT LIKE OTHERS TO DO UNTO YOU".

eag said...

So agree, there's so much negativity in this world we don't need to add to that.
"Good be with you"
Eirlys Hunter in "Finn's Quest"

lscollison said...

..."we only know snippets of a life shared," you said. So well put. I can't agree with you more. Blogging is like a huge conversation with the world. Be nice people, or don't come to the party. Mean people suck.

Grinnyguy said...

That's why I love this blog so much. It always cheers me up, and it's so hard to write something positive that sounds really genuine and holds genuine emotion, but you seem to manage it regularly.

The internet is a great place to see different opinions and have a debate, but all-out abuse is so common and as far as I can see, nobody benefits, it just spreads bad feeling.

Lille Diane said...

Well said!

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