Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Love and Reality TV


WARNING: Reading this blog post may be hazardous to your intelligence.

What is with some of us women? Why do we always want to believe the bad guy? He looks at us and spins out a lie and we know, deep in our heart, that he's lying, but does that stop us from believing him? No, on some level, we want bad.

The story repeats itself over and over. Despite books and movies that try to warn us that he's just not that into us, we always think we are the "One", that can change the Bad Boy. It usually takes a few years and a few tears before we see the error of our ways.

Anyone watching the reality series The Bachelorette? Wes, the country western singer has repeatedly said to the camera, behind her back, that he is there to get publicity for his new CD. One of the bachelors came back (after being rejected) to warn her he has a girlfriend. He looks like he's lying when he is talking to her. She had twenty-five guys to choose from, and guess what she does? Well, it's down to the final four and Bad/Wes is still in the running.

And why should I care? Well, it's better than looking at flayed bodies on autopsy tables, or watching people really make a fool of themselves on obstacle courses, or - the list goes on. It's a pick your poison type of television.

I know this is not real, I know that it's mostly staged, but it doesn't stop some real feelings, and human frailties/strengths from seeping through. You can't fake some of the emotions and disappointment witnessed. Since there is not much interesting on television, and one can only read and blog so much, The Bachelorette is one that I watch. The voyeur in me, the student of human nature, can't resist. (My husband escapes to the other room, but gets sucked in anytime he wanders through while it's on - often asking things like - isn't he the jerk?)

So I hope this sweet girl really does find love. The woman in me, the romantic in me, hopes that this time one of the really good guys will win, and the bad boy will be sent packing. That it might actually work out, and they will live happily ever after. Not likely, as after all of The Bachelors and Bachelorettes, only one couple got married and are still together. So this should actually be named The Bachelorette Who Will Remain One.

As for me, I won't buy Wes's CD!

35 comments:

Spiritual Journey said...

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ladies falling for Men with the Bad Boy Syndrome, I remember that one very well. But the good thing is I learned my lesson well so after emotional scrapes and bruises, I found the right guy with whom I'm married.

I'm hoping for the best for her - that she may find the right ONE. I stopped watching the Bachelorette after Trista and Ryan's wedding. I find it so contrived and falsely giving the illusion of a happily ever after ending.

luksky said...

I usually never find the time to sit down and watch evening T.V. but last night I just happened to catch the episode of Batchelorette for the first time. I was hooked! I could also see the Austin guy was a lying cheat. I have met a few like him in my lifetime....she will learn...hopefully.

Fragrant Liar said...

Yeah, I watch the Bachelorette sometimes, and I get plenty fired up about Wes. Hard to believe that woman kept him on, but it's like you said, sometimes we are so attracted to bad, we can't say no to it. Maybe later, but not right now.

But this is exactly what the studio execs want. Us talking about it, debating it, despising Wes for his bad boy ways, and hoping Jillian sees through him in the end. I am watching now in hopes that she gives him what he deserves. I think she's one to do it.

Joanne said...

I wandered into the family room yesterday while my kids watched it, and yes, I got drawn in. This is the first I've watched it this summer, so I'm not too sure of the personality quirks yet.

pranksygang said...

you are right! i think they should change the title! i have never watched this show, but its sounds a bit disgusting! Love is blind and so are women

Nancy said...

my hubby is a former badboy, but although he turned good, I think its because deep down inside, he was not so bad! LOL
How would one know who is really bad, if people didnt say so. Why dont any of these guys tell her directly "he said he was here to promote his CD" Why dont they tell her? Or have they? Telling her he has a girlfriend is not as effective I feel, because every woman would like to believe she has was it takes to take his heart away from another woman, or she might decide obviously he is unhappy with this other girl if he is on my show.

So I am in favor of the three other guys coming forward (or even a nice producer) and saying "he is only here to promote his CD" directly.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Been there I'm afraid, got in with a bad guy and he was horrid to me but I felt good being with him. Strange as it sounds, he was a real looker, intelligent, very academic; no common sense! And he was an arsehole, treated me like poo and I couldn't see it until a few months before I left him. Learnt my lesson there!

CJ xx

Alicia @ boylerpf said...

I've never watched the show but you are so right that women are attracted to the bad boy in men. I think it is our way of rebelling against everything we have been taught. Most of us finally come clean in the end and realize what the attraction was and go for the good guy. Let's just hope this pretty girl does!

Elizabeth Bradley said...

I haven't watched The Bachelorette, but I am shocked when I get sucked into reality shows. My two favorites are Top Chef and Project Runway.

Bad Boys do turn into Good Men, sometimes, but not often.

Linda Pendleton said...

I'm hooked on it, too. I really thought Jillian had more sense. It's been interesting and why she is trusting Wes, who knows. I think she has let a couple of goods ones go home but it is hard to tell what she is really looking for. Whatever it is, it may not be with any of these guys. And if it is Wes, she's in trouble. LOL

And heck, there is nothing else on TV to watch.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Hello, found my way here from Crystal's blog. This post s great. My friend has just been scammed by a creep who lived off her for 9 months, emptied her bank account and scarpered. I could see he was bad news and was the only one saying it. We found him on Google as a newsreel showed him being arrested for stealing a yacht and crashing it between Ireland and the UK. He was the first criminal to be arrested under a new European law that allowed him to extradited from the UK to Dublin. I wish I had googled the creep before he scarpered, then I would have had something to show her to back up my very strong suspicions. Loved your food post – I love cooking and will check a few of your recommendations out. I lived in Minnesota on business when I worked for Unisys Computers. I loved Minnesota and St Paul. Great places to live.

DJan said...

I've never watched the show, but then again I am not attracted to reality TV at all. I myself would rather watch Grey's Anatomy or Ugly Betty, and fortunately I've been set free for the summer.

I think what makes it hard to watch is the contrived nature of it. I've seen the trailers for several of them but they just don't pull me in. However, that said, somebody suggested to me that "So You Think You Can Dance" was a good one, and sure enough, it is! But it's too long for me; I watched half and then turned it off and went to my latest book. The dancing ones really are fun to watch, although I don't watch "Dancing With the Stars," most of my friends do!

Smiles, DJan

MzzLily said...

That's why I prefer life in Blogville! Reality TV makes humankind look ridiculous!

Sydney said...

All I can say is ditto, ditto my husband's reaction and getting sucked in, ditto and well said.

Momma Moe said...

Yes, I went through my "bad boy" phase, too. Luckily, it was in my teens.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Gee,I wish I had time to watch a program, eat an entire meal, Go to the bathroom without the door open so I can hear the buzzer from the store....... I watch the news and fall asleep.

Brit Gal Sarah said...

After the total farce of the last three series - no proposal at all, Falcon Crest actors daughter and then whoops I picked the wrong girl duh, we have given up on this frustrating show!

scarlethue said...

I never went for bad boys for some reason. Sad and lonely, emotionally troubled, yes, but not "bad." Not liars or schemers or heartbreakers. Not that my heart was saved much trouble because of it.

We all have our "guilty pleasures" or rather guilty addictions as this doesn't seem to bring you much pleasure. I'm drawn to the cop shows like 48 Hours, even with the dead bodies. I like to solve mysteries.

I hope your husbands interview went well today! Texas... well it's hot, but it's so big, there's lots of stuff to do and see there.

Marguerite said...

This show reminds me of high school, where I had my first experience with a "bad boy".(not the last, either) I figured out what "bad boys" really want is a "good girl" They love a girl who plays "hard to get" as most other girls throw themselves at him.

Sure hope that you move to Texas, Nancy. Then, you can come and visit!

tj said...

I Must say as a good guy myself i ask the same ol question over and over again. Why why why. See, in my experience, a lot of women go on about wanting the good gu..I been searching for a good guy and i want something serious. But seems the good huys are "boring". There is no lil gal drama, no make up love making after the krazy fight about the gal from you was seen with in the club..its l just plain and simple truth and transparency. and i guess some - rather most - women want till they maybe have a baby before they can settle.
Now what guy wants to give a woman a baby before she whows to be "wifey material"? What if she don't change. And whats even more messed - after it don't work out..months down the line she gon come back t you saying "i've realised my mistake and I'm sorry blah blah blah" some okes fall back into it to be disappointed again.

Well, i dunno - i think some, rather most women just have too many expectations and do not realise that when you settling down you need to put away childhood fantasies and dreams..and be committed. else they gon lose the best thing that ever happened to em..
Oh : don't watch the Batchelorette, not showing in Uk, and honestly i doubt i would (i may be a sweet guy, but The Bachelorette....errmmmm not for me :-) )

good post..thanx

Pam said...

I haven't watched this show in awhile. I only watch what I've recorded, and I keep forgetting to set it up.

I think that we always hoping that we can change the guy.

tj said...

I agrew with the "hoping to change the guy" thing..but i think we should all realise that it's not everything that's meant to be changed..and if the lady is gon change they huy - she dont gotta chase him and put up with his nonsense, - cuz a bad guy who wanna change don't gotta be chased..he chasing the gal and goes outta his way to make things right and show he changed..

just saying..the good guys are slept on too much :-(

robert said...

What an interesting entry of yours! Spend a couple of days at a hotel to have a bit of a break, however forgot to take a book with me, bought one with pink, blue and white stars on it, called 'this charming man' - thinking of it to be the worst books ever read ... turned out to be one of the best. (will write about it within my next post)
Hope is said to die the last and until then I'll keep being a romantic guy writing still with a fountain pen.

Brian Miller said...

while i don't watch, a very poignant post. see too many ladies thinking they will change the "man of their dreams" only to find disappointment on the back end. wish her well but agree on the rename of the show...

Grandma Nina said...

I don't watch this particular show, but I'm sure I'd get sucked in if I did. I also like Dancing with the Stars and American Idol and now in the summer So You Think You Can Dance and America's Got Talent. I think they're very entertaining and "light". I blog while I watch and have to say the blogging gets most of my attention.
Thanks for your last comments. - And I don't always handle things well. It's a constant work in progress and a lot of self talk. Yes, learning how to deal and letting it go is the key. Easier said than done sometimes.

Meg Runs said...

I do agree that reality TV just seems staged and contrived but this situation that Jillian put herself in with the "bad boy," does seem REAL because so many girls/women fall into this trap...hopeful for something real and true!

I must also comment that I pick up our paper and turn on the news and everything seems pretty negative but there are some parts of this tv show that are hopeful..we all LOVE love, right?

Bonnie said...

Okay, I watch SOME reality tv...but not this particular one...it gives me a serious case of the creepie-crawlies. And the very thought of picking out a "true love" from the set of ego-maniacal pretty boys that invariably show up on the cast is just wrong on so many levels! But the real thing that bothers me about the whole concept is this: for so long, be it decades, centuries, or millenia, the idealized notion of finding a "perfect" mate, falling madly in love, being swept off one's feet and carried off to some dimension of sublime bliss, where you both live happily ever after, like Cinderella and her Prince Charming, has been, is, and forever will be fatally flawed. There, I said it. I know, I know...that is what many of us women grew up steeped in...but alas, the ugly truth (as we clearly all must by now know) is that it's a myth. Prince Charming farts, is lazy, drops his royal underwear on the bedchamber floor, and watches endless jousting matches on his big-screen tv with his beer-swilling knights on Sundays. Cinderella without her fairy godmother is, after all, just a starry-eyed girl who can't cook yet, spends too much at the royal mall, has an insatiable appetite for ballgowns and even MORE glass slippers (especially the Italian ones), and obsesses over every imagined blemish, wrinkle, or flaw in her complexion. Neither of them has a clue what really makes the other one tick, or how the real world works when it comes to check books and making the payment on the pumpkin coach.

Okay, I'll stop. Sorry, I do get wound up sometimes. But I must confess, I'd rather watch "Intervention" than "Bachelorette/Bachelor", and I might even opt for burning bamboo shoots under the toenails if left no other choice.

Bad boys...well, I've had more than my share. Thankfully my husband is NOT a bad boy.

We have to use our intelligence and our instincts, women...that's what we have 'em for...romance doesn't last. Love, when it is nurtured, worked on, and hung onto, is what lasts. Even when it stinks at times (as it sometimes does).

Somebody kick me offa this soapbox. I'm shutting up now.

Good post, Nancy.

Needlewoman B aka Bonnie

Natalie said...

Women looking for a bad boy, a really looking for a thrill.The thrill is actually inside them all the time, they haven't accessed it yet.
When you become 'whole' meaning being comfortable being alone, having your own interests, and loving yourself, you realise you don't even like those bastards.I pity women stuck in that emotionally devoid place.....I used to live there. :( xx♥

Here Under the Rainbow said...

I'm fascinated by this question. Why do women fall for bad boys? What's the allure?

In high school there was Jerry - the spitting image of James Dean. Cigarettes dangling from his lips, a wicked smile, and yes, he had a Harley.

Recently, it was Timmy. He moves like some restless panther, and oh yeah, he can rock those jeans.

I think we love bad boys because they upset our safe little routine, give us the adventure and danger we secretly crave, and make us the heroine of our own movie.

Moral of the story, beware of hot men with names ending in -y.

Gemel said...

Great post from someone who has been there....

asweetcakes said...

Its so true - women like bad guys. I've never understood why this is so and i don't think i ever will...it just is.

Well, i just though of one reason - they're interesting right?!?!

Mental P Mama said...

It's a story as old as time...and we don't need it. Let's just watch SC Gov Sanford dig his hole;)

Deb said...

I totally agree with you on all points. I also REFUSE to watch the Jon/Kate mess or read anything to do with the Octomom. Our society is a bit off track in my opinion. This was my first visit here - and I liked what I read. Sorry,didn't mean to rant. Enjoy your day!

Amy said...

Nancy, I'm a relatively new (and happy) reader of your excellent blog. I, too, am hooked on The Bachelorette - pure escapism and voyeurism for sure! But I really find it entertaining. There must be a reason why Ed is back - I liked him from the beginning and I think Gillian did too. Wes will be history - he's not even good looking anyway! I'm glad I'm not the only "intelligent" person watching this drivel.

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