Friday, December 12, 2008

The Flutter of Butterfly Wings

It was like the flutter of butterfly wings. That feeling. That feeling that something was not quite right.

My daughter and I headed to the hospital yesterday for her to have a routine procedure in the out-patient surgery center. All was on time and went well, I was told two hours after they wheeled her down the hall, tiny in her overly large hospital gown. We would be home by 9 p.m., they said. I felt something akin to unease. But my logical mind said all was well, the doctor was on top of things, and seemed very competent. The surgeon assisting was also very professional and asked all the pre-surgery questions adequately. I smiled at her, reassuring, telling her she would feel better soon... 

But something went wrong.

How often have you heard about a routine procedure turning into a loss? Everyone shakes their heads, and asks - can you believe it? He/She was so healthy - what could go wrong? But the reality is, many things can go wrong. Surgery, is still surgery. It comes with risks. And my little girl could have died. Right there in that ordinary surgery center, on a ordinary day. 

The flutter of butterfly wings.

When they didn't bring her up to the room two hours after the first surgery, I knew something was wrong. Finally I get a call from the doctor - they think she is bleeding internally -  they are going back in. Bleeding internally? Not wanting to hold him up, I kept my questions to myself. Two more hours of waiting. All the normal programming driving me crazy. Finally the doctor comes up and tells me the routine procedure was anything but. They transfused about 5 pints of blood. FIVE PINTS OF BLOOD???? WTF???? She's tiny. Five pints of blood is about all she has...

It was an artery that they missed during the procedure.  (A #@*&%$# ARTERY!) Her blood pressure dropped, pulse went up - trying to keep herself alive while the blood spurted into her abdomen, FOR TWO HOURS, while I waited patiently in her room. 

The flutter of butterfly wings.

Our friend died today. A dear friend, and a great guy. Dead in his 50's from a devastating disease. For him, it was the end. Death, so close to all of us, came knocking. There comes a time when the flutter no longer passes. It will happen to all of us eventually. But it doesn't make it any less welcome.

6 comments:

Not So Perfect said...

Jen and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Let us know how she is recovering. Give Booga and Jen lots of kisses.

California Girl said...

Yes, you describe the nagging fear so well. I pray for you and your family and know the fear that parent feels. Keep us, your readers, posted.

Faithful said...

Yes..too be cut short of the enjoyment of your family and the beauty of life itself at any age...(as you want as much time as you can get with them) is enourmously defestating to the family. That fear for those that live with a family member with a termainal illness is living with that flutter in their stomachs daily. I'm glad Jenn is out of the woods and can get back into life.

Lindz said...

I am so glad that you were here to be with her. So scary. I hope that she is feeling better soon, I am here if you need anything. Love you guys.

Jo-Mama said...

A mother's intuition is something that cannot be denied. It is in your heart right next to the Mommy Magic. I am so sorry that you and Jen and the whole family had to experience that kind of fear and uncertainty. Thank God the Mommy Magic won out and Jen has had a good result. Bless you all and fast healing for Jen.

Rose said...

That would have scared the bejezus out of me. My son had an out patient back surgery several years ago. Repairing a bulging disc. The doctor nicked his spinal cord. my son laid flat on his back in the hospital for four days.