Tuesday, June 14, 2011

See Me!



I read an article yesterday on Rep. Weiner and why the writer believes he had the compulsion to send pictures of his nether regions to young women he had never met. In the article the writer talks about the invisibility people take on as they age. Women have always known they disappear, but men have a much harder time with no longer being considered attractive and sexually desirable.

I think this extends not just to the aged. I think it extends to people in general. Oh sure, we all see very attractive people when they walk into the room. I think that is instinctual. Beautiful people stand out.

But have you ever noticed how often you really don't look or really acknowledge the person behind the role? Do you make eye contact with the person behind the counter? Beyond just that simple hello to that person making your sandwich, taking your dry cleaning, slicing your cheese - do you really see the person behind the service they are performing for you? Could you even name five features of the person when you turn and walk away?

Maybe the writer of the article is right - Rep. Weiner was terrified of no longer being considered "a catch" as he once was in Cosmopolitan Magazine. It was his way of shouting out the words, see me! 

17 comments:

Brian Miller said...

i agree...being seen is a powerful thing...and being taken for granted or going unnoticed will drive people to do some crazy things...

Marguerite said...

I think that a lot of men are having these internet affairs just because they can and they can't seem to resist having them. I don't think that it has as much to do with age, as with availability.

Mila said...

Good point Nancy. Servers, grocery store baggers are some of the most invisible people. Maybe for servers, it is a testament to how good they are at what they do. That they do their job so well to the point of being unintrusive.

I am finding with the grocery store checkout folks, that they don't even look at your face when they ask how you're doing? or really want to know the answer.

To force them to look at me, I would say, "I'm well, but how about you?" Sometimes, this works and they look up briefly, but most times, the answer is "good" and they woodenly go about their task.

It's curious to me how the entire interaction is carried out without ANY eye contact, even when they dole out change. Such is the modern world, but we are here....

Hilary said...

I might well have been able to have named five features of Rep. Weiner had I met him in person, as I always try to interact with folks whose paths I cross during the course of the day. As it is, I can only name one..

ellen abbott said...

I don't think not seeing people has to do with being considered 'desirable', well except for the obvious invisibility of age in a culture that worships youth. Because your servers and counter folk are usually young and young people are generally attractive. I think we don't make eye contact and interact with every person we come in contact with because we cannot handle all that personal contact. It's draining, so if you live in a big city where you are seeing people all the time it would stress us out. As individuals, we can only handle so many 'relationships'. It's why when we pass strangers on the street we don't look at them and why we don't engage people we have brief contact with.

I think Weiner fell prey to power, like many do who are in a position of power. He felt bullet proof because of his position of power, all those young women he comes in contact with wanting to talk to him and be near the 'power'. It's very hard to resist. Guys like that don't think they will, can, get caught. And when it happens, they lie, still thinking they can get away with it because they are, after all, men of power. And I don't think he just sent those pictures to those women without some sort of encouragement, no matter what they say now.

Nancy said...

Brian - So true.

Marguerite - You may be right.

Mila - I've noticed the same thing. "Woodenly" is a good word for many of our interactions.

Hilary - LOL!

Ellen - I think you are right about how draining human interaction can be. My husband and I were talking about that last night - interpersonal relationships, be it co-workers, family, or other, seems to be harder these days. I can't tell if it has to do with my age, or if everyone feels that way. As for the power trip - I couldn't agree more. One day I'll post again on my view of the fact that a great percentage of our leaders are sociopathic.

DJan said...

Sad but true, what your commenters are saying. Being seen was important when I was young, but as I have aged and have become more invisible, I've found a certain sense of satisfaction in it. I think men are pulled around by their desires much more than women are.

leilani said...

The whole thing is sooo nutzzsss... Dude! What were u thinking? =)

Pat said...

It's one thing to say "See Me"....it's another to say "See ALL of Me!"

California Girl said...

hahahaha! I like Pat's comment.

No sympathy for the Weiner man but I certainly understand the invisibility issues of aging, losing my looks, etc. It sucks.

T said...

There's a synchro for you! We posted something today on Weiner, too. You make some great points in this post, Nancy.

Catherine said...

I can understand the invisibility thing but he is not the first 'powerful' man who felt compelled to photograph his junk and send it to someone. I think it more a gender thing- a modern day version of flashing.

And why is it that women as we age aren't compelled to do the same thing? Because, by and large, we've been invisible for so long?

Sorry, makes me angry. There are positive to stay visible.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

I don't understand the idea of photographing body parts and sending them out. Did I miss something somewhere? Am I too old? Too invisible? Not certain what the kick is.

Availability, yes. Thinking it won't catch up with you? I don't get it.

Nancy said...

DJan - I think you are right.

leilani - Seriously!

Pat - John Stewart had a picture of him with his towel hanging on his penis. Geeze.

California - I kind of agree with DJan - it is kind of liberating. Let the young ones worry about who looks at them. We can kind of slide under the wire, so to speak. :-)

T - I noticed!

Catherine - Very true. Some think it is a power trip. He did it because he thought he could get away with it. Much like Strauss-Kahn - who probably raped other women he thought were "below" him.

Midlife - I have a theory - that the winds of change are tearing off the masks of those that practice to deceive.

Natalie said...

All I can say is....wow. *mouth hangs open*. I think I resonate with 'DUDE! What were you thinking?????"

Jill of All Trades said...

Hmmm, have to think about that but what caught my eye was did he really think he was a catch...hmmm, have to think about that too.

susan said...

Older men in power positions have long had the habit of flashing Ferraris.