Monday, June 27, 2011

Meeting Your Mate



I have an ongoing theory that I haven't been shy about sharing with my family and friends. (With varying enthusiasm on their part, I might add.) Anyhoo, since I consider you to be in this category, I thought it was time to share my "Meeting Your Mate Theory," just in case you're in the market.

I don't believe we can find the right person to share our lives by thinking about the type of person we would like to meet. In other words, finding your mate is not about left-brained analytical theory. You can't decide he needs to have brown hair, blue eyes, stand 6.2", and make a six figure salary. Or in the case of a man - you cannot conjure up the woman who is going to love you through illness, loss of hair, and libido, by deciding she needs to look or act a certain way. The man or woman that will bring you happiness and contentment does not live in your head. They live in your heart.

So I believe the way to find your mate is to concentrate on what it feels like when you are with this person.

You do this by taking time to sit or lie quietly, relaxing deeply. Just before falling asleep is the perfect time.

Then just play with it. Play with the images that come to mind.

What are you feeling when you are with this person? If you like to hike - concentrate on what it feels like to be hiking with this person. Are you laughing? Are you both enjoying the moment? Is the sun shining? Are you relaxed and feeling content to be hiking with this person?

Time time to color in the scene. You are the artist - make it beautiful.

Now, what are you feeling in the next scene? Maybe this time you are having a meal and you are dining outside on your patio. How are you feeling? Are you relaxed and happy to be with this person? Maybe you are talking about something serious and you feel relieved that you have such an understanding person in your life to share this problem. You feel sure that his advice is well-considered as he is the type of person that really cares about you and wants to see you succeed.


The key is to not put a body or face on this person! This is about how you feel, not what you see!


My "Meeting Your Mate Theory" is all about being able to recognize the person you are meant to be with by how you are feeling when you meet them. Does that make sense? Instead of looking at someone and automatically categorizing them into a maybe or a no, you go by what your heart says when you meet someone. You already know what it is like to be with this person because your heart automatically recognizes a maybe when your brain may have automatically said no!

If you try this - make sure you give time for the Universe to organize a meeting. Be honest with yourself about how you want to feel living your life with this person. That's key.

17 comments:

Mark @ Impuissance Masculine said...

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Natalie said...

I am living proof that you are absolutely right.

Brian Miller said...

hmmm...interesting post...focusing on the feelings sounds like an appropriate way...

great pic too...love vetriano...we have several around the house...

Bruce Coltin said...

I know a person who has been alone most of her life. Her problem, I believe, is that she maintains a laundry list of qualities that has always guided her search for the ideal mate. She has never found a man who measured up against the list, and I am sure that she never will.

It is more about the chemistry between two people, which is tougher to analyze and can be tougher to trust. Wonderful post, Nancy.

Leah J. Utas said...

Oh, yes. Think with your heart, and in this case, visualize with your heart. Excellent theory, Nancy, and I agree wholeheartedly.

DJan said...

I met my husband on the internet. He was writing in such a way that I was enchanted and began to write in the same forum. (this was twenty years ago before we had so much connectivity)

If I had met him in person, we never would have connected, because the chemistry is just not there. But emotionally, we are perfect for each other, and as the years have passed, I realize I didn't even KNOW what love was. I had to remove the physical to learn the desires of my heart.

A Year on the Grill said...

I met my wife in a bar... better yet, I was a traveling salesman, she was at a bachelorette party.

Sounds like destiny to me

Grandmother said...

I'm with the man of my dreams for 37 years now. In my young adulthood, I thought I wanted a strong and mighty oak but what I found was the clear blue sky. Luckily I recognized that I liked the way he made me feel, ditched the pre-conceived demands and I've been happy ever since!

karena said...

I'm definitely going to have to try this. I've had such laughable meet ups with men I've met online...that I had decided to just give up. Thanks for the great suggestion here Nancy.

T said...

I'm living proof that you're right, too. I always wanted to marry a writer. Knew it was him the instant I met him.

Rob-bear said...

I'm with Natalie and T. The important thing is how you feel when you're with the other person. That's why J and I have been together 42 years. We still enjoy being with each other.

Emom said...

The universe delivers whatever I concentrate on....smiles...

Amanda said...

you are so wise, nancy, and i completely agree. in the end, finding a mate is all about how the relationship feels, not about appearance. looks fade, but compatibility is essential.

Reya Mellicker said...

Very cool! It explains why I have always struck up partnerships with the "wrong" people!

Butternut Squash said...

Sounds like very sage advice to me.

When I was in the sixth grade, our teacher had us write down what our ideal mate would be like and then put it away to open later.

On my paper there were no specifics but things like, love, laughter, honesty, courage, friendship and so on.

When I found him, it was a very clear sensation, like a bell ringing. We have been married a happy 17 years.

Eva Marie said...

I had that experience once in my life - when it was all about that feeling - those emotions - it didn't work out, and perhaps that is why even after years have passed I feel as if a piece of me is still with him - and no, this is not a pity party - I felt all of that again when I read your words.

Deborah said...

I think your theory holds water, Nancy. Very interesting! The comments are pretty fascinating, too - I was intrigued by DJan's experience as 'chemistry' is our natural glue. I believe so, anyway. But being able to see beyond that, or around it, is essential.