Monday, January 11, 2010

The Simple 90's




Okay, so for me, the 90's were easier. No big lessons to learn, no major illnesses, deaths or births. In fact we lived in the same house for 16 years, with the same neighbors, my children attending the same schools K-12. My husband worked for the same company for 23 years. I had my children in the same hospital I was born, and we had the same doctors for years. It could be the decade of "sameness." After the previous two decades, I wasn't complaining. In fact I liked knowing what to expect each day, taking comfort in routine. It wouldn't last forever, but for the 90's the only changes I yearned for was a vacation to the ocean each year.

My time orbited my children's needs - home, school, extracurricular activities, etc. I managed to sneak some time in for myself and returned to college. To my utter amazement, I found I was pretty good at it. Who knew?

Your comments were varied over the last few posts. Some bloggers were too young to be in the middle of anything other than growing, some were going through busy but drama-free years, and some were going through transformative years, just as I was. So what about you?

What were you doing during the 1990's?

40 comments:

Joanne said...

Oh what a peaceful time, much like you, raising my two daughters through elementary school, living in a quiet neighborhood, gardening together, walking, hanging out. It was an idle time, that we just absorbed. It was the decade that I started writing too, so it's significant to me in that way.

Elizabeth Bradley said...

The nineties were, for me, very much as you described. We lived in the same house, (regret selling it) My kids went to the same school and life was remarkably peaceful. I have happy memories.

Hilary said...

Oh kidlet time for sure. Mine were born in '87 and '90.

Cloudia said...

School, career, disillusionment....now I'm a hermit writer/blogger.....


Aloha, Friend!


Comfort Spiral

Natalie said...

Got married, had babies,and built a new home that I designed. I lost three, out of four of my precious grandparents.
In 1996, I met probably the most important person (besides Mark)in my life. Because of her,I started my spiritual work in earnest. It is now 2010, and we have just spent 2 1/2 hours on the phone. :)
I would summarise it as the 'foundation' decade of my life.....very valuable. xx♥

Nancy said...

Joanne - I think we need those quiet years to move forward, don't you?

Elizabeth - So do I -

Hilary - Those years go so fast in retrospect. I remember my MIL telling me that you only have them for 18 years, such a short amount of time in a lifetime, and then you spend the rest of your life trying to be near them.

Nancy said...

Cloudia - I'm sort of a hermit/blogger, too. Do they go hand in hand? I don't think I used to be a hermit. But I'm pretty happy to be home.

Natalie - A big decade for you. Foundations. We need sturdy foundations to build a life.

Midlife Jobhunter said...

I was deep into the baseball field. Three boys all playing. Fall and spring. Basketball in winter. Scouts. Church. School. For me? Volunteering for the Writer's league, a pioneer farm, and of course, at the schools.
Homework, play, travel, dicipline.
I think I was just the one who kept it all going.

Deborah said...

The 90s started off with a big move back to Canada and going back to work for me. I had an at-home husband, so that made it easier. Then my job disappeared and I had to carve out a niche for myself - found it in teaching piano, which meant I could be at home and yet earning money doing something I really enjoyed.
It was a decade of child-raising and all that that entails - I was fairly active in the community and schools and life was stable. I'm inclined to say it was also happy, but I felt some frustration at being so taken up with the needs of my kids that there was little energy or time left to explore other interests.

I had to laugh at the hermit writer/blogger description. That fits me to a T! Couldn't be more opposite than the role I had in the 90s. This little bakward-looking exercise has been fun, Nancy, and I've enjoyed reading the other comments too. You had a good idea!

Sarah Lulu said...

The nineties were HUGE for me...the most upheaval, change...

My last gorgeous child was born in 1990 ...the early years of the decade were quite peaceful ...

But eventually all hell broke loose! My marriage ended and I had another relationship which was chaotic madness and changed me (eventually for the better) ...for all time.

John Atkinson said...

Nancy, we live on a tiny island and very little changes. But the 90s were peaceful years. I hope we can recapture some of that.

Brian Miller said...

the 90s were my downfall and rebirth...i lost everything and found what was important, fell in love along the way...

California Girl said...

Yes. I don't know how normal it is but I like the comfort of sameness, consistency. I am one to whom changes are huge adjustments. I handle them well; I've had lots of training. But I'd prefer a more predictable quiet schedule.

A Year on the Grill said...

huge failures (failed business, marriage and family split)

huge successes (financial, business and I met my wife)

The Good Cook said...

Three of my children were born in the 90's. In the span of 3 1/2 years... to say the 90's was a fertile time would be an understatement... LOL..

Busy, busy, busy. I was also in the best shape of my life, running miles everyday. TBHITW ran the NY Marathon several times in the 90's. Careers soared, TBHITW launched his business, we built a house. Oh my, I'm exhausted thinking about it.

Leah J. Utas said...

The nineties were stable for me. Within that stability were changes, but with a solid ground underneath it made the changes reasonable.

Missy said...

My son was born in 91 so the 90's were great years of watching him grow. My husband and I both had good jobs making pleanty of money (if we'd only known what was coming). We lived in our first house on a cul de sac where the neighbors came out every night and chatted. I'd say the 90s were great for us and now thinking about it, I miss it terribly!

DJan said...

In 1990 I made a tandem jump, which changed my life. I had a stable job, which helped to fuel my desire to skydive every weekend. I met my husband after 20 years of being single, and got married. I was 47 at the beginning of the decade and felt younger when it ended!

ellen abbott said...

The 90s were tumultuous for me. I entered early menopause. My husband's anger issues came to a head and he dropped $40K on synthetic heroin (unbeknownst to me). Our marriage was a hair's breath away from ending. Our kids stayed away from home as much as possible.

It was also the decade I started river guiding (my own escape). He went to a clinic and got the help he needed, emotionally and physically. We worked on our marriage and salvaged it. The kids became independent adults. And we started learning the pate de verre technique.

Easily the worst decade of my life.

Reya Mellicker said...

Ah the nineties ... it was a big decade for me. Those were my years as a witch, a high priestess, a teacher of the Craft, a serious muckety-muck among my community. I traveled and taught and initiated others. I left my husband and was a lesbian for five years. I was bitchy and cruel, yet depressed towards the end of the decade.

God. Magic was so NOT good for me, though I'm very glad for everything I learned during that time.

At the very end of the 1990's I moved to Washington DC. Upheaval after upheaval. Not a great decade for me.

THis is an awesome series, btw! Thank you!

Michelle said...

I would go back to the 90's in a heart beat. I spent those years in middle and high school and oh, how I miss high school!

Nothing major happened. I wasn't confused or in a hurry. No bills, lived with my parents, slept in on the weekends, skipped school, and got to see my friends everyday.

harmony said...

The 90's, for me, were focused on education. I finished both high school and college in the 90's.
I worked, all through college and was 100% responsible for all of my financial decisions. My parents were proud that I went to college, but did not offer financial support.
I feel that I found my home, my place where I felt comfortable within my own skin and that being Lawrence, KS, where I attended K.U. I still feel that way about Lawrence. I visited a few times in the last year and felt extremely at ease, in the space.
I never experienced those feelings in my home town. My home town inspires stagnant feelings or no growth--personally or professionally. People there always seem negative.
At the end of the 90's, I left Kansas and was completely alone--no family or friends near me. I relocated to Phoenix and began the journey of creating friends in new places.
All in all, the 90's represented growth, change, and fully accepting how my decisions had consequences. I could no longer hide behind my parents for help. Every decision was mine.

Phoebe Miriah Kirby said...

Ah the 90's... To this day, I get comments from people about my attire.
"You are a total 90's kids! Look at those boots!"
(I think it's because everyone gave up their cool threads to the thrift stores just for me).

Everything major happened in my life in the 90's... My father left, my mother divorced, my brother was born, we bought our first (manufactured) home...

I feel like the music also has also stuck with me. :)

Meeko Fabulous said...

Oh Nancy! You're the best! LoL! I was like . . . I was born in the 80s, but don't remember them . . . As for the 90s . . . I have one word for you . . . PUBERTY. I didn't grow into my ears until about 1999 or so . . .

Amy said...

The nineties were tumultuous in the beginning and pretty calm at the end. In '92 we decided to redo our kitchen which meant a wall had to come down. And the day the wall came down my husband moved out at my bequest. He got the help he needed and we started a new marriage 4 months later. The changes we made have lasted now for almost 20 years, and we had 17 years before that.

Mixed in with that was raising the daughters, financing college, and running the business. I started my first webpage in the late 90's and my husband and I travelled as much as we could throughout Nevada and No. California following emigrant trails.

It was the decade I grew spiritually and figured out that, after 10 years in Alanon, it was time to take the 13th step.

Nancy, this has been quite an exercise; it's been very eye-opening to journey through life by the decade. We have all been on a journey for sure. It has made me feel like I'm part of a greater community here in the blogosphere, so thank you!

Marguerite said...

The early 90's were fairly calm and normal. But, I lost my brother to cancer in 96', then my mother had a major stroke, then I moved back to Louisiana to help care for her. Then my marriage went down the tubes. It was a challenging time for me.

Land of shimp said...

This has been interesting for me, Nancy, because I've been discovering through reading here, that I'm honestly not even good at looking back. It's sort of amusing. I remember everything but it is a nose wrinkling sort of thing for me...and it wasn't a bad decade.

I always think it is so fascinating to discover the different things that make people tick. I don't like to remember the unpleasant things, I learned my lessons from them and just kept going forward. When I look back, I look back mostly at the funny stories. Those are the ones that have the most value to me.

Isn't it a really intriguing thing? It's a mechanism of the exact same impulse (second time today I've said that, by the way). It's the way we gather our strength to us, isn't it? Some look back and over the things they have gotten through, and know they can get through much going forward.

I don't like to look back much at the things I've gotten through, because I tend to feel a bit overwhelmed. "That was a lot of stuff, man, if the future contains that much stuff...I'm not sure what I'll do."

We all find different ways of coping, and gathering strength. It's fascinating, and kind of gorgeous to behold, simply because looking through the comments here, people go through so much in the course of our lives.

We're all warriors in different ways, I guess.

JC said...

90's ~ I had my two kids. Was raising them mostly on my own due to my H always traveling. After my son was born, I've had many surgeries & illnesses. Kind of lost myself in the Mom years. Was a chauffeur, house cleaner, bad cook, and a patient of 'what the heck happened to me' ...

lakeviewer said...

I took off in my career, survived a major earthquake, nursed my husband through major illnesses, and got my last one to college. Wow! No wonder I was always tired.

Emom said...

The 90's were a roller coaster ride for me. Huge ups and downs...glad that decade is over....smiles.

Lily Robinson said...

I was going through an apprenticeship. ...and a divorce. It was a time of transition.

Nancy said...

Midlife - I have no doubt that you were the one that kept it all going - I know I was in our family. My husband fed, clothed and sheltered us (no easy feat), and I did everything else.

Deborah - I always wished I had been one of those moms that just loved every single minute of having my life revolve around others, but I wasn't. I don't know if it was because I was already set in my ways at 29, when I had my first, but I definitely missed having some time all to myself during those years. Now I have too much -

Sarah - Interesting you mentioned being changed for all time - I want to touch on that in the next post.

John - That will come in the next (and last) post on this series - what do you see for the future? Do you think we will have peace?

Brian - Big, big, years for you!

California - Me, too. I have become very into routine. Sometimes I need to shake it up or I'd be one of those people who never want to do anything that takes them out of their range of comfort.

A Year - Wow! Huge changes in the 90's for you!

Good Cook - Fertile years is a great description!

Leah - That was how the mid 2000's were for me. Change with stability.

Missy - We had the same life with the same neighbors! Now I'm missing it, too... Mainly because I'm not crazy about my current neighbors.

DJan - I think you are getting younger with each year! Big changes in the 90's for you - getting married after 20 years single is huge!

Ellen - Wow! You are an amazing woman to keep it together. The 90's were huge for you. I learned many of those life lessons in the 70's, including the death of my high school sweetheart of an overdose in 1972. I was already married to (our) friend, but the loss was immeasurable. It still is. I'm glad your husbad is alive and well.

Reya - You have had the most interesting life! I love to hear you tell of a life most of us could never imagine. The 90's were huge for you, too! Wow.

Michelle - How cute! I wonder if my girls ever miss having nothing to do but think about what to do that day.

harmony - Beautifully said. You learned to own your life. I really admire your tenacity and insight. Have you thought about relocating to Lawrence? I think we need to live where we feel a connection.

Phoebe - I think we all have a decade that sticks to us in our attire and music. For me the music of the 70's is still my favorite, while I'm kind of hippie thinking but dress probably more like the 90's. My children may not agree with the last sentence...

Meeko - Puberty is huge. It really is. Really fast growth spurts, espcially hormonally, with terrible feelings of either grandiosity or insecurity. It has been referred to as the "being on stage" phase of life. Adolescents think everyone is looking at them, watching them, judging, etc. Sometimes they actually aren't - they are too wrapped up in themselves to pay attention to any one else! Ha. Love the ears comment. Cute.

Amy - Thank you. I'm fascinated with your travel of the emigrant trails. Of course I have come across them in my travels in Nevada and No. CA, but never actually followed one. Interesting. The 90's were very big for you, too.

Marguerite - Wow, your 90's sounded like my 80's. Transformative.

Shimp - Beautifully said, and my main reason for doing this. Everyone copes differently. Everyone goes through challenges in life. Everyone learns lessons that helps them get through what they need to get through. And we are incredibly resilient. Especially if we have support - such as the blog world!

JC - You've had some major challenges. A coma is no small illness. But look how soulful and amazing you are now.

lakeviewer - We're pretty amazing when we look back, aren't we? You were superwoman!

Nancy said...

E-Mom - The 80's were that for me. Huge ups and downs. Don't blame you for wanting a smooth ride for a decade (or more.)

Lily - Big transitions. Divorce is right up there with death on the stressor scale. I've never been good at learning unless my home life is settled. Hard for me to concentrate. I admire you going through an apprenticeship while going through a divorce. That couldn't have been easy.

ρομπερτ said...

This was probably the most difficult decade, starting to understand that life is much to be 'learned', started also to work, first as a paperboy, a mail man later, fisherman in Spain, waiter in Paris.
Towards the end, in a Supermarket to obtain the allowance to get me my A-Level to be able to study.
Difficult, yet worth in the end.
Please have a wonderful Wednesday.

Trish and Rob MacGregor said...

ah. the 90s. Closer to home. Love that t-shirt, by the way!

Nancy said...

Robert - Sometimes we forget that higher education is different in other countries. You were obviously determined to succeed.

Trish - Memory Lane is finished - now what's in store for the future?

Nancy said...

in the 90's I had both of my kids, five years apart, and we moved several times,dealt with horrible problems during this time. The 90's were only good because I had my kids!

GYPSYWOMAN said...

mmmmmmm....90's - filled with catastrophic family illnesses - geographical moves - conflict - confusion - but also new life with marriages, babies being born, new friends, new love, and more - so - i'm going with all the new and good for the 90's -

Deboshree said...

Dearest Nancy,
I was born in February 1990. I think I was pretty much crying and making my mom's and dad's life hell by waking them up in the middle of the nights!

Love
Deboshree

Shrinky said...

The nineties were great for me and mine. I moved from London to this sleepy little isle, and I have to say we have never looked back, if ever there was a positive move, it was this. Hubby still works in London, but from home one week out of every two. He sees far more of us than he ever did when we were all based in London. We always manage a "lunch-date" when the kids are at school - time just for us, to catch up and enjoy. Life is good.